No tyrants here linger, despots must flee

Prison must be good. Meals provided, skills learned, bonds for life made. People think prison is scary. I am sure it is. But walking home at 7pm and watching the shadows and looking over your shoulder is scary. Walking to the bus terminal after work and thinking the next person you see is gonna rob you, that is scary. Worrying that every sound you hear at night, that every time the dog barks it is signalling an impending home invasion, causing you to lose sleep and look haggard the following day, now that is scary.

Step right up folks, get your front row seats for the scariest thing on TV these days, the evening news in a small country called Belize, a country desperately trying to hold on to the boast of being a peaceful jewel. Our economy is going downhill, poverty and unemployment up at alarming rates, and it seems that each crime is not trying to outdo the previous ones in terms of how much ratings they can get on TV.

Should we boost tourism by opening the country as a hunting ground for humans? Or perhaps sell packages for random gun violence? I am sure many gun toting loons would love that, to be allowed free range to come and shoot as they please, and the cannibals could then finally enjoy the hunt and eat their kill. Gruesome huh? If that makes you uncomfortable, you have not seen the news. Keep watching. Eventually you become so desensitized, that the news is truly shocking only when something good happens, and these days that is as rare as getting white sugar without all the fibres in it….

So here is an idea. Perhaps they should build a secure prison and have all the law-abiding citizens move in. Let the criminals have the country. If we are in prison we know we shall be safe in there knowing the criminals are outside that big wall with razor wire. I mean living outside those walls do not give much comfort anyway, we live in a prison of fear and mistrust anyway. We fear the criminals. We fear Guatemala taking us over. We fear the government will continue to mess the country up. We fear the police and BDF because it seems they are in on it. So, at the end of the day, who do we turn to? Are things so bad now that we shall soon have to pray to god for a flood to wipe us all away again? Excuse me while I draft some blueprints for an ark now….it is coming….

Thanks for the prayers, but no thanks

Many people could not sleep last night. For some it was the heat. It was so damn hot and not everyone can afford to have an air conditioning unit in their homes. Some people rely on fans alone. My fan is like  a jet engine, loud and blows so powerfully I have to tuck the sheets in to make sure they do not blow away.

Still, some people, myself included, could not sleep for another more sinister reason.

Yesterday, our nation was shocked, yet again, at the brutal murder of an innocent child. When the news hit, people cried, people got angry. People wanted to pray. Best use those goddamn hands to make justice work instead of being on your knees praying. Prayers did not help the child go home, or help the police find her in time. Prayers will not help find her killer. Investigation will. Prayers will not rehabilitate the killer. A noose around his neck will. So, stop praying for the children being killed in our country. Does not seem to do jack shit. Want results? Do something.

Tell those pompous idiots from Belize Action to take all the money they are getting to fight gay people into possible investing in better crime investigation for our very under prepared police. Instead of people worrying who I am sleeping with, is it not better to band together to make sure we have a country worth living in?

Now before any of you sanctimonious pious people tell me I have gone too far in my words, maybe I have not gone far enough. Maybe it is time to stop being nice about all this and pretending like praying is gonna save us. We pray to feel good that we sit back and do nothing, thinking that if we pray, then at least we tried. Tell that to the families of those victims. Tell that to the victims themselves, how sorry you are that your prayers were not heard in time.

Want results? Do something. Better police training, better investigation, better use of resources, that is what we need. Do we want to feel trapped in our own country? Should we always feel fear that our children will not come home? What happens if we all leave to find a more peaceful place to live? Then this Belize you are all praying for, will cease to exist. Don’t bother praying for me either, tried and failed method. I will continue to say what I damn well please.

September Celebrations, Belize - What's the fuss?

So September approaches. Soon it will be time for the same songs we hear every year, that as a kid use to instil me with pride and excitement. Soon there would be parades and fireworks and floats and festivals. September is the month we celebrate the anniversary of our independence from Britain, and the anniversary of the Battle of St. George’s Caye, a fight where the British settlers and slaves banded together to tackle the incoming Spanish. All has a nice movie ring to it right? Every year, there is also a theme to go along with it, something proud and patriotic. Every year the theme gets worse and more comical, but not for the reason you think. The words are ok, the idea is good, it’s just not real.

They usually sound something like this:

"Our Heritage, Our Cultures -- Living and Celebrating in Unity and Peace"

"Building on Heritage, Renewing our Identity -- Living Anew... Celebrating with Pride!"

Oh but those are so nice and make you feel proud to be Belizean. Truth is, they do not really reflect the country as it is. Nobody wants to be the Debbie Downer, and in Belize there is a disease the people have, where they think so many true things, but are scared to speak it because it might be controversial or unpopular. Well, thank god you have me right?

My ideas for themes this year include:

“Belize at 31 and on life support.”

“Belize at 31 – Busy praying the gay away to combat violence.”

“Our heritage and cultures – Trying in vain to polish that faded jewel.”

So go ahead all of you living in delusion and still wanna march and wave your little flags, go ahead and call me unpatriotic. You know damn well I am right. Belize is going to hell in a hand basket. Makes you wonder if we should hand ourselves over to Guatemala or give ourselves back to England. Obviously we are doing a piss poor job of showing how proud we are as a nation, simply be refusing to love each other, be proud of each other, stop killing each other, and something as simple as not throwing fucking trash everywhere.

Go ahead, let the hate mail come.

Sometimes one does get writer's block. There are many things happening that one can write about, but the inspiration is not there. People just don't read or don't care, and the world keeps on spinning anyway. When there is a lot buggin you, what do you write about? About how tactless a Belize media house can be to have a sponsor mention after a murder report? About someone who does his more than fair share of ass kissing and his very presence and voice irritates you? How stupid people like Pastor Stirm and Louis Wade still wanna butt their nose into something that is none of their goddamn business? Or just how stupid humanity can be in general at times? See, so many topics, no inspiration to write on any of them...it's no wonder my poetry book has been empty these days...sometimes...I just get tired of caring and trying...

But as soon as you wanna throw in the towel, you realize, people do look up to you, and if you quit, what example are you setting? And if you do complain about how ignorant people are, is it not your calling, then, to help wake them up? I believe so...

My confession

It's been a long time coming. I think this confession is even more momentous that the "I'm gay" speech I never gave, and a lot more horrendous to some people. But, after examining my beliefs, looking at evidences, and listening to various points of view, I have come to a very distinct conclusion that has not made my mother happy, and has some people trying harder for my conversion, praying for me, and even wishing to burn me at the stake. No, it's not witchcraft even though that is reason enough to link me to Satan. It's not another religion either. I am.....an atheist.


Of course to those of you who know me well this is hardly a shock. It's an affirmation of beliefs you have known me to share for a while. My mother still insists deep down I believe. Maybe that is because of the programming I received from my grandparents, my highschool and even junior college. But it is also these elements that have helped me come to this conclusion. But don't blame them alone, they had help from the world around me, in helping me realize, the very idea of some all knowing, all powerful, all loving god, is just....well.....a fairytale.

And being gay has nothing to do with it, because there are plenty of gay Christians still suffering for their beliefs. I am not a Satanist, for there is no god, there can be no anti-god. People will tell me yes there is a god, and their proof is a 2000 year old book, that itself is full of contradictions and immorality and should never be used to prove there is a loving god anywhere. "The evidence is all around you" is such an old line. I do see evidence. Famine, drought, violence, and millions of prayers unanswered in the very lame conclusion that god works in mysterious ways.

I gave religion a try, several actually, but the more I tried, the more I realize they are based on a book from which they pick and choose the laws to follow, and because of many religions we have as much violence and prejudice in the world today. People blame atheists for evil, because we believe in no god at all. Do we need to believe in god to be good? We have inherent morality, and that is good enough for us. But, I will humor you anyway if you come to talk about god and the bible....what can I say, it is as entertaining as Harry Potter, without the magic wands.

The curse of the know it all

Some people know it all. They don't need help because they can do it all. Most of the time, they truly do suck at what they do, but think it is pure gold. I know that I know a lot, and most of what I do know, is from my own experience, and because I like to read. I am not afraid to live. There are some things I refuse to do because I have done it already and found it to be tedious, or boring, or just dangerous, such as riding a ferris wheel or eating wasabi. But there are those people who can do it all, and have done it all, so they know it all.

My job requires me to be many things, from a grunt down in the dirt digging, to hauling stones and walking through mud, and also as a spokesperson for the institute, to share ideas, to educate, to shine, and be part of a machine, where I am no greater than the other nuts and bolts. But some people seem to think, that being in the office and working on events and speaking to the public has no business in archaeology. But why bother with the archaeology bit if no one knows what or why we are doing it? We are not grave robbers anymore, and archaeology has become a business in Belize, and we are the face of that business, and the voice...some of us have nicer faces and voices....

So to you, big mouth, know it all, let us assure you, we are not scared of our job. Sometimes we cannot go places because there are things that need to get done ASAP in the office, things that you are too green to handle, or simply lack the people skills to comprehend. You do not work alone, you are not better than us, even if you think you are. We are equal, even if we do different things. Sometimes your ideas are not wanted, so best do us all a favor, keep your damn mouth shut.

Click if you love Jesus

Click to save your soul, click to show your love for Jesus and hate for Satan. Yes. I am sure all of you have seen that picture on Facebook demanding you click and share and like if you want to be saved from the warming features of fire and brimstone. So those of you who don’t click, guess I’ll see you in hell. I did not click, not because I don’t love Jesus, but because I don’t need to click to show it. God does not like a public show-off, remember?

So, I decided to become the anti-like person. I challenge people to find the ‘I love Satan’ button to click, and would you believe, there is none? So I posted a picture of the Last Supper, altered slightly…and people thought me evil, and “not nice” and even though I did not ask people to click like or dislike, I still got “major dislike” and “you should repent.” Is it my fault your faith is so shaky that seeing a picture you don’t like of Jesus makes you feel weak?

It’s funny how people get upset over me posting something unflattering of Jesus, all in the name of supposedly loving Satan. I am not a Satanist. But if I was I would love the option of being able to share that openly without being ridiculed. How can these ‘Christians’ get so pious when they also eat cows (a symbol for the Hindus, I think, of something holy) and even close their doors to missionaries of another doctrine who are simply spreading the word of the same man they call god?

So excuse me if you don’t like me posting pics on Facebook you don’t like. Too damn bad. As long as there are people ‘liking’ Jesus on Facebook and shoving their religion in our faces, get used to be doing the same to you, shoving my ideas in your face.