The curse of the know it all

Some people know it all. They don't need help because they can do it all. Most of the time, they truly do suck at what they do, but think it is pure gold. I know that I know a lot, and most of what I do know, is from my own experience, and because I like to read. I am not afraid to live. There are some things I refuse to do because I have done it already and found it to be tedious, or boring, or just dangerous, such as riding a ferris wheel or eating wasabi. But there are those people who can do it all, and have done it all, so they know it all.

My job requires me to be many things, from a grunt down in the dirt digging, to hauling stones and walking through mud, and also as a spokesperson for the institute, to share ideas, to educate, to shine, and be part of a machine, where I am no greater than the other nuts and bolts. But some people seem to think, that being in the office and working on events and speaking to the public has no business in archaeology. But why bother with the archaeology bit if no one knows what or why we are doing it? We are not grave robbers anymore, and archaeology has become a business in Belize, and we are the face of that business, and the voice...some of us have nicer faces and voices....

So to you, big mouth, know it all, let us assure you, we are not scared of our job. Sometimes we cannot go places because there are things that need to get done ASAP in the office, things that you are too green to handle, or simply lack the people skills to comprehend. You do not work alone, you are not better than us, even if you think you are. We are equal, even if we do different things. Sometimes your ideas are not wanted, so best do us all a favor, keep your damn mouth shut.

Click if you love Jesus

Click to save your soul, click to show your love for Jesus and hate for Satan. Yes. I am sure all of you have seen that picture on Facebook demanding you click and share and like if you want to be saved from the warming features of fire and brimstone. So those of you who don’t click, guess I’ll see you in hell. I did not click, not because I don’t love Jesus, but because I don’t need to click to show it. God does not like a public show-off, remember?

So, I decided to become the anti-like person. I challenge people to find the ‘I love Satan’ button to click, and would you believe, there is none? So I posted a picture of the Last Supper, altered slightly…and people thought me evil, and “not nice” and even though I did not ask people to click like or dislike, I still got “major dislike” and “you should repent.” Is it my fault your faith is so shaky that seeing a picture you don’t like of Jesus makes you feel weak?

It’s funny how people get upset over me posting something unflattering of Jesus, all in the name of supposedly loving Satan. I am not a Satanist. But if I was I would love the option of being able to share that openly without being ridiculed. How can these ‘Christians’ get so pious when they also eat cows (a symbol for the Hindus, I think, of something holy) and even close their doors to missionaries of another doctrine who are simply spreading the word of the same man they call god?

So excuse me if you don’t like me posting pics on Facebook you don’t like. Too damn bad. As long as there are people ‘liking’ Jesus on Facebook and shoving their religion in our faces, get used to be doing the same to you, shoving my ideas in your face.

Yearning for the 'attainable'

I feel like running from my feelings. It’s something I do always. I avoid feeling, I run from emotions. It makes you weak. But I met someone I want to be weak for.  I would wait for him. I would wait, which is something I never do, but sometimes you meet someone that you know is the jackpot, the sure thing, everything in your blood and bones tells you so. Even in dreams that person can make you sigh and make your tremble. If you have never felt that, I can only pray that you will, it makes everything hard you have ever been through seem worth it, to have gotten you to this point, where life finally seems possible.

Does not seem like me does it? Normally I would rant on people being idiotic and idealistic, for falling into the traps of emotion and having no logic. I shunned such people and called them morons. Now I look at what I am doing through, and can see how strong emotions are and what they can do to you.

Normally the advice I give to my friends comes from experience, in being cold and practical. But now I would not even take my own advice, and live in regret. It will hurt when he leaves, something I have no choice in, but I would rather have those moments so at least I have the memory.

On crushes, love and other matters

Today dawned too early. I was not ready to get up. Having spent many hours playing Just Dance on Saturday nite into the wee hours of Sunday morning, my body aches. I am not one for dancing, never have been. But I wanted to loosen up, and make a certain someone very happy…and when you have a major crush on someone, you do what you do to impress them. I am not a dancer at all, and I was sure that was not gonna impress anyone, but just the attempt spoke volumes.

San Pedro is a cool place after all. I have some cool friends that live there, there are cool places to drink, and the wind seems to always blow. I did not go there to drink and enjoy the wind, of course. I went chasing a dream, one I hope shall still come true, even if it is wishful thinking.  Sometimes though, you gotta screw logic and have faith in fate, and just hope it turns out. At least you can always say ‘you tried’ which is better than doing nothing. If I could chase my musketeer around the world, I would.

Sometimes I detest the fact that humans were given free will, because we have to make tough choices and live with anxiety and consequences. We should have been like animals, and live by instinct only and just follow a simple chain of activities. But there are times, when I am glad I do have free will, for free will gives rise to the glory of emotions, and feelings, the best of them being love and desire for someone else, that though they consume your very thoughts and plague your mind every second awake, it’s a disease you readily welcome, for it’s a promise of perhaps a chance to be happy.

There are people out there that I have spoken to, who are scared to fall in love or even try, some who say they don’t believe in love and shall never fall in love. Heartbreak is too painful, people cheat, things happen. I have been through heartbreak. It truly does hurt. But there was a time when I felt nothing, for no one, including myself. And let me tell you, I would rather be wallowing in the pit of despair that comes from heartache, than be upon an island alone and feeling like a zombie. Feel love. Go for love. It can bring such joy. It can also bring pain. But the pain is worth it, when you feel that something in your stomach, your heart, your skin, that something that one person can bring to you.