The few things

Sometimes its all one can do to wake up in the morning. The day looms ahead with promise of the same dreary vision, just linger long enough to get through the day, get home, and back to bed. Some days are just uninspiring. So why even bother getting up? The coffee does not do it anymore, the reruns are the same even if I wish for different endings, the cats and birds make the same noises, the bus to work is the same. Then the miseries of the day before that have not fully healed come back to haunt a head already full of local demons. Is it any wonder I have not shot myself yet?

 Oh yeah....I don't have a gun....

So how does one move on then? There are somethings that do help to make the day worth it, to push on and fight for life and light even when the day seems evil (I like evil, but not when it happens to me). It starts for me on the bus ride to work. Now if you saw me on the bus, ever, you would call me cold, asshole, all manner of rude things. Even if I know you, even if we are best friends or lovers, I will not acknowledge you on the bus. Its not your fault, or mine. By the time I get on the bus I have headphones stuck in my ears with the day's musical selection, and my brain is far from Belize and lost in the beat and lyrics. Music....is my Jesus.

Then there are the people who make that day worth it. My mother is the first....making my lunch (making the whole house smell of bacon by the way) and feeding the cats and cursing at them, and bringing my coffee though I grumble like a hungry ogre...you think Shrek is bad? Then the folks at work, that enjoy my music, put up with my ranting and sarcasm, and the ones I text and chat to, all the down off the coast of Placencia, to the beaches of San Pedro, to the hustle and bustle of San Ignacio. They get me, like my musings, and appreciate my uniqueness.

And by uniqueness I don't mean a horn growing from my head (but how bloody awesome would that be). I am blunt, and sarcastic, and rude, and it takes a damn special kind of person to put up with that and to see beyond it all, I am really nice (groan) and sweet (double groan) and that the sarcasm is just to make people laugh, put them at ease, make their loads lighter. I am the burdern carrier, and will carry it for everyone if I could. And for those who wanna judge me as some real abrasive asshole and write me off as a jerk, as the Queen of Pop says in one of her new songs....I don't give a.....

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